weddingsv make me drug and hornr
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
