I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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