dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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