I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
