Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
