i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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