then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
