wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
