I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
