I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
