I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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