I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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