She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
