I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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