remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
