if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
