apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
