I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
