he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
cat food counts as protein by the way
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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