Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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