Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize