Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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