I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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