You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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