i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize