I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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