I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
im on a boat
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