Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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