Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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