Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
