Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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