I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
