I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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