My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize