three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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