nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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