I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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