Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
