I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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