Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize