Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
