do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
