Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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