This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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