Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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