I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
