guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
this boner is exhausting
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
