I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
