Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My pussy is not your playground.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
