I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
