I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
