You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
