seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
