that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
someone owes me an orgasm
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize