I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize