glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
