i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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