Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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