Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
