TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
