I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
