im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize