she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
