She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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