can u get pink eye on your cock?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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