hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
