Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
