I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
