I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
