u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ok first of all what the fuck
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
