You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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