u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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