halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
